Teaching Private vs. Public Behavior: A Guide for Autism Parents

Understanding the difference between private and public behavior is an essential social skill, particularly for children on the autism spectrum who may struggle to grasp these often complex rules.

Teaching children when, where, and with whom certain behaviors or information are appropriate requires clear guidance and reinforcement from parents and caregivers.

Social norms dictate what can be done or said in public versus private settings, and these rules can seem overwhelming for children on the spectrum. Factors such as location, the presence of others, and the context play a critical role in determining appropriate behavior.

Failing to understand these distinctions can lead to confusion or even unwanted consequences, making it crucial to break down the concepts in a way that is easy for children to comprehend.

Teaching context in different settings

We spend time in four spheres of life, and parents can educate their children about appropriate and inappropriate behavior in each sphere. 

Children can be taught about appropriate behaviors in different settings by dividing their environment into four types of spaces: 

• private,
• public, 
• semi-private, and 
• semi-public spaces.

1. Private spaces

Children need to understand that certain behaviors can only occur in private places, such as their bedroom or bathroom (with doors closed). These can include picking one’s nose, getting undressed, bathing or showering, passing gas, and going potty.

These behaviors are easier to understand because there are firmer rules around them if you do them outside of a private place.

2. Public spaces

Like private behaviors, public behaviors are easier to understand as you see everyone doing them. This includes saying hello to friends, waving, laughing together, playing, eating, and so on. What you do in public, you can do in private (but not vice versa).

3. Semi-private spaces

There are strict rules about not doing private things in public spaces; these are typically more readily understood. However, the spheres of semi-private and semi-public are more nuanced.

They require additional attention and explanation to identify the specific location and determine what behaviors are appropriate in these settings.

While it may be okay to undress in the doctor’s room, the door must be closed, and the doctor must have asked for the undressing. As in our case scenario, what may be okay in the home bathroom may not be acceptable in a public restroom.

4. Semi-public spaces 

These are typically shared spaces that are not fully public but also not fully private, such as the office where a parent works. There may be a bit of privacy, but different rules of behavior are required than in more private situations.

Teaching who they can trust

When using the “Information Sharing Stairs,” children should understand that they can share almost anything with some people. However, as they move up the stairs, they should become more cautious and learn to ask their parents before sharing information with others.

A child can understand there are some people they are freer to share information with, but as they move up the stairs, theys should be more careful about what information is shared. Using a visual such as stair steps may be helpful.

Teaching what can be shared

Parents also need to help their children understand what personal information or behaviors are appropriate to share (that is what can become public information).

The more private the information, the less likely it is it should be shared with others on the upper end of the Information Sharing Stairs. 

Personal information typically refers to data or behavior related to hygiene or grooming, medical information, some financial information, and information of a sexual nature. 

However, it also includes phone numbers, addresses, and birthdays. Parents need to be able to explain to their children what NOT to share. 

Private vs. public behavior: Key takeaways for parents

Teaching children the difference between public and private behaviors is critical and challenging. It is important to remember:

• Children need to know the difference between private and public places, as well as the gradations between semi-private and semi-public variations
• Children need to know what private information is and what they can freely share in public
• Children need to know whom it is appropriate to share information with and whom they should not share information with

Parents may also need to explain more nuances about how to communicate topics (e.g., voice tone) and when it is appropriate. With patience and clear instruction, children with autism can become socially competent.

This article was featured in Issue 118 – Reframing Education in the New Normal

FAQs

Q: What is the difference between public and private behavior?

A: Public behavior occurs in shared, observable spaces where actions are visible to others, such as at school or in a park. Private behavior takes place in personal or restricted spaces where actions are not visible to others, such as at home or in a bathroom.

Q: What are examples of private behavior?

A: Examples of private behavior include activities such as picking one’s nose, getting undressed, or using the bathroom. These actions are typically confined to private spaces like a bedroom or bathroom.

Q: What is public behavior in ABA?

A: In Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), public behavior refers to actions that occur in observable and socially significant settings where the behavior can be seen and potentially influenced by others. ABA strategies often focus on reinforcing or modifying public behaviors to promote socially acceptable interactions.