Autism and Hygiene: Tips for Parents of Teens on the Spectrum

When my son Ryan entered puberty earlier than expected, I found myself scrambling to create effective strategies for his daily hygiene routine. It was crucial to get him excited about cleanliness and steer him towards independence.

Autism and hygiene can be hard to manage, especially during puberty. Many parents of teens with autism struggle with finding the right routine that will make hygiene a normal part of the day. Because of that, I’ll share tips that helped me and my son, to make this journey a bit easier for you, too.

If you’d like to learn more about autism in teens, you can get your free guide here:

Talking about puberty

It seemed that the first natural step in the process was for me to explain to him the many changes that were happening to his body and answer any questions that he might have. 

Ryan entered puberty at ten and was understandably nervous. As a single parent, it was my job to guide him through it.

As we sat down, I acknowledged that our conversation might be embarrassing for him and asked how he felt. He agreed that it was uncomfortable but wanted to talk about it with me. 

His response helped set the tone, and speaking in a quiet voice, I gently told him about puberty and his slow transition to manhood.

We covered the basics. He asked questions, I answered them, and we got through the moment with tenderness and a deeper understanding of one other and the next chapter in our lives.

Helping him feel excited and in control of his hygiene

I needed to find a way to help Ry create enthusiasm about his personal hygiene. It was time to go shopping. The goal was to create a welcoming environment in which Ry was in charge of his process.

Ry and I shared a bathroom and had the standard, generic, white towel sets. I thought that Ry might get more excited about bathing independently and daily if he could choose his own towels and washcloths.

Next on the list was body wash. Again, I knew this had to be his choice. He needed to feel in control, in charge, and I was happy to get out of the way, mostly. Ryan carefully inspected and sniffed various bottles before selecting one that was best for him.

On the deodorant aisle, Ry declared that he wanted an organic, unscented deodorant. After scouring the shelves, we finally stumbled upon the single deodorant that met his high standards, and we headed to the checkout stand.

Towels, body wash and deodorant in hand, we went home and equipped the bathroom.

Implementing an autism hygiene checklist

Ry was accustomed to daily reminders and help with teeth brushing. It had been our ritual since he was a toddler, but the “guy” stuff was a different matter. He did not want help, especially from Mom, and the multitude of daily reminders were aggravating and stressing our relationship.

How could I empower him and ensure he was on task each day without damaging our relationship?

In first grade, his instructional aide created a visual schedule for him. A simple check-off sheet for tasks that Ry needed to complete in order to get through his stressful school day. The technique was moderately successful, and I decided to give it a try at home.

I set up a laminated checklist in the bathroom, organized by days of the week with tasks like showering, brushing teeth, and using deodorant. I used clip art to make it fun and attached it to the wall by the sink. This visual aid helped Ryan stay on track and celebrate his progress.

Introducing shaving

The last challenge showed up a couple of years later when it was time for Ryan to shave. As far as I could tell, the safest option was an electric razor. He couldn’t injure himself, and there was no need to deal with shaving crème application and mess.

I gave him all the time he needed to read about the razor and get familiar with its functions, and then we headed into the bathroom. As I plugged in and turned on the razor, Ry was scared to use it on his face.

I decided that the best strategy was to place the razor on another body part first. I took my hand, palm up, and pressed the heads of the razor on to my palm. The vibrations began to tickle, and I started to laugh.

I explained that the heads of the razor were tickling my hand and asked if he wanted to try it. He hesitantly agreed, and I placed it on his palm. Initially, he pulled back, but then harnessed his bravery and tried again.

From that point of acceptance and exploration, we slowly migrated to his cheeks, chin, and neck. It wasn’t an easy transition, but we got through it slowly, intact, and without any major issues. After a few years, my father stepped in to teach Ryan how to use a traditional razor, which was a valuable bonding experience.

Ensuring long-term success with autism and hygiene

By the time Ry turned 15 years old, we were able to dispense with the checklist, and he was fully in charge of his personal hygiene. It was a long process, but one that worked well in our household.

When I consider the techniques I utilized to teach Ry a personal hygiene routine, I can break it down into a few bullet points:

• Discuss the importance of hygiene: Open conversations about the necessity of personal cleanliness during puberty are crucial.
• Give them a choice: Letting Ryan choose his towels, body wash, and deodorant gave him a sense of control.
• Incorporate visual aids and rewards: Find a fun way for your child to mark progress. If appropriate, create a small reward system to reinforce the good work.
• Be creative with problem-solving: Finding non-threatening ways to introduce new tasks, like shaving, was essential.
• Seek help when needed: Find a trusted friend or family member to provide support if you need it.

Patience is the key

One of my favorite stories was the night Ry called the police on me. He and I were going back and forth that evening about his refusal to shave his neck. It had been a few weeks of neglect, he was closely approaching a wolfman look, and I was completely over it.

I tried every trick in the book to get him to shave, and my patience was running thin. Instead of getting into an argument, I surrendered and went to bed early, hoping for a fresh start in the morning.

Close to 11 p.m. I saw unusual lights in my hallway and heard a loud knock on my bedroom door. “Bellingham Police, Ma’am. Can we speak to you?” Powering out of sleep, my mind racing, I started thinking the worst.

As I accompanied the officer down the hall, he informed me that my son had called them to report me. “Report me? For what?” Embarrassed, the officer said, “For asking him to shave tonight!”  Laughing, I said, “He is autistic.” The officer responded, “Yes, ma’am, we worked that out.”

And so Ry gave me a not-so-subtle reminder that my timeline and his timeline were not the same. I needed a lot more patience and a continued sense of humor to help him through his teenage years.

This article was featured in Issue 79 – Managing Everyday Life

FAQs

Q: Does autism affect personal hygiene?

A: Yes, autism can affect personal hygiene due to sensory sensitivities, which may make certain hygiene activities uncomfortable, and challenges with executive functioning, which can impact the ability to follow through with routines. Support and tailored strategies can help individuals with autism manage personal hygiene effectively.

Q: Do people with autism struggle with self-care?

A: Yes, people with autism can struggle with self-care due to difficulties with motor skills, emotional regulation, sensory sensitivities, and challenges in understanding and following routines. These issues may require additional support and interventions tailored to their individual needs.

Q: How do you teach hygiene to adults with autism?

A: Teaching hygiene to adults with autism involves using clear, step-by-step instructions, visual aids, and consistent routines to help them understand and remember the processes. Providing positive reinforcement and being patient and respectful of their individual needs and preferences can enhance their learning experience.

Q: Why is showering hard for autistic people?

A: Showering can be challenging for autistic individuals due to sensory sensitivities, where the sensations of water, temperature, and soap can be overwhelming and uncomfortable. The sequence of tasks involved in showering may be difficult to manage due to executive functioning challenges, leading to stress and anxiety.