Planning the Perfect Playdate Activities for an Autistic Child

Many autism families struggle with planning the right playdate activities for their children. Many parents think their children cannot participate in them because they lack the play, social, and verbal skills to be successful.

Unfortunately, some children with autism are not asked to participate in playdates. This often leads families to feel rejected and isolated, or autistic children to have no friends at all. Whatever the reason, I am here to remind you that playdates are extremely important to any child’s development.

Why are playdates important for autistic children?

Children socialize through play. Since one of the significant deficits of autism is socialization, it is necessary for children with autism to play. Through play, children have peer models to learn from and teach social skills in a naturalistic setting.

However, most children engage in unstructured, spontaneous play. While these techniques can be effective in one-on-one settings, children with autism often struggle to transfer the play skills they learn in these controlled environments to more natural ones.

All children, whether diagnosed with autism or not, have an activity that brings them joy. It is your job as a parent to identify the play activities that bring your child joy.

How to choose the right playdate activities for your child

Ask yourself, “What activities make my child laugh? What toy is my child drawn to? What interests does my child have? It can be bubbles, swinging, puzzles, playing with cars, etc. 

After identifying what brings your child joy, dedicate 10-15 minutes daily to teaching them how to take turns during that activity. For example, if your child enjoys blowing bubbles, alternate turns blowing bubbles together.

If they love playing with cars, take turns pushing the cars down a ramp. By practicing turn-taking in their favorite activity, your child will be well on their way to a successful playdate!

Playdate activities for autistic children

When planning playdate activities for autistic children, focus on providing structured yet flexible options that cater to their sensory preferences and interests while fostering positive interactions.

Here are some practical ideas:

• Sensory bins: These bins offer tactile exploration and can be calming for children who enjoy sensory activities.
• Building and construction toys: Provide blocks, LEGO sets, or magnetic tiles. Building activities can be enjoyed individually or collaboratively.
• Art projects: Set up an art station with markers, crayons, stickers, and paper. Ensure the materials are non-toxic and safe for all participants.
• Interactive toys: Choose toys with clear, repetitive actions, such as train sets, pop-up toys, or simple board games with straightforward rules.
• Quiet zones: Designate a quiet space with soft pillows, a cozy blanket, and calming activities like puzzles or books.
• Outdoor play: If possible, engage in outdoor activities like a sensory-friendly garden, sandbox play, or a simple game of catch with a softball.

Tips for planning a playdate for your autistic child

Turn-taking is a first step, however, there are many things to consider before setting up a playdate and helping your autistic child make friends. Below is a list of five tips that parents need to keep in mind.

1. Practice regularly

Identify one or two play activities your child enjoys, and practice by playing those activities with your child 10-15 minutes a day. For example, if your child likes puzzles, then practice taking turns putting puzzle pieces together while teaching the concept of “my turn, your turn.” 

Once your child understands the concept of turn-taking, begin to expose them to simple games such as Don’t Break the Ice, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and Hide ‘n Seek, just to name a few.

The more exposure your child has to playing different games, the more successful the playdate will be. When your child can engage with you in simple turn-taking games, then invite a peer over to play so that your child can generalize those skills to kids.

2. You need to socialize, too

I have experienced that many parents do not schedule playdates because they themselves are not social. You can’t expect your child to be social if you are not interacting with others, too.

Get out of your comfort zone and start socializing with parents in your child’s class. You may try talking with neighbors who have children your child’s age.

Socialization doesn’t happen naturally for children with autism. To help your child be socially successful with peers, it will be your job to help them navigate social situations by scheduling playdates for them.

3. Keep the playdates short

One of the biggest mistakes parents make when they set up playdates is scheduling them for hours and hours. Think of a playdate as working out in a gym. Would you work out for 3-4 hours unless you are an athlete? My guess would be no.

So, how long should a playdate last? At first, limit it to 45 minutes. As your child gains more experience with playdates, you can schedule them for an hour.

Never schedule a playdate longer than an hour and a half, unless you see that your child is having fun with their playmate.

4. Create the right structure

Children with autism like structure and familiarity. An ideal location for your child’s playdate would be at your house.

Scheduling a playdate in your home sets your child up for success because they are in a familiar environment and have their favorite play activities to engage in. It is also important for a parent to be present and to facilitate the entire playdate.

There’s a high chance your child will not be able to spontaneously play with another peer on their own. They may need some adult guidance.

One way to set up a successful playdate is to structure it around physical activities, like swinging or jumping on a trampoline. After that, they can engage in a calmer activity like a puzzle or game and end it with a snack.

By structuring the playdate, you are providing a beginning and end for your child. This way, your child knows that after snack, the playdate will be over.

5. Find a good peer match

A good peer match is crucial for a successful playdate. A suitable playmate is a child who is flexible, patient, and can model age-appropriate play skills.

Ask your child’s teacher which peer in the class would be a good playmate for your child. After that, you can reach out to that child’s parents and set up a playdate.

Siblings, cousins, and neighbors make for great playdates as well. You want to pick peers that your child is drawn to and will enjoy. The most important aspect of a playdate is to have fun!

How to ask for a playdate

When asking for a playdate for an autistic child, it’s important to be clear and considerate. Start by reaching out to the other parent with a specific proposal, such as a particular day and time, and offer to adjust based on their availability.

Explain briefly that you’d like the children to get together and mention any preferences or accommodations that might make the playdate more comfortable for your child, such as a quiet space or specific activities.

Being upfront about your child’s needs can help set up a successful and enjoyable experience for everyone.

What to bring to a playdate

For a playdate involving an autistic child, it’s helpful to bring items that can support their comfort and enjoyment. Pack snacks or drinks that your child likes, and check with the host about any allergies or dietary restrictions.

Bringing familiar toys, sensory items, or a favorite book can provide comfort and facilitate interactions.

Including items that accommodate any sensory sensitivities, such as noise-canceling headphones or a soft blanket, can make the environment more enjoyable for your child.

Don’t underestimate the benefits of playdates

Playdates are immensely beneficial to your child’s social development. I always say to clients that it is great that their child can read or solve math problems, but if their child can’t navigate their social world, then many of those skills are meaningless. Children learn from modeling others, so if you embrace playdates, your child will embrace them as well!

This article was featured in Issue 92 – Developing Social Skills for Life

FAQs

Q: How long should a playdate be?

A: A playdate should typically last between 1 to 2 hours, depending on the children’s energy levels and comfort. Shorter playdates are often better for younger children or those who may become overwhelmed easily.

Q: Do parents stay at playdates?

A: Parents may stay at playdates, especially for younger children or those with special needs, to provide support and ensure a smooth experience. It often depends on the comfort level of both the child and the parents involved.

Q: What age is good for playdates?

A: Playdates can be beneficial for children as young as 2 to 3 years old, helping them develop social skills and learn to interact with peers. The ideal age varies based on the child’s developmental stage and individual needs.

Q: What do autistic kids love to play with?

A: Autistic kids often enjoy playing with toys that align with their interests, such as sensory toys, building sets, or interactive games. Preferences vary widely, so it’s helpful to consider each child’s specific likes and sensory needs.