Autism and sexuality are important topics for all parents to understand. We all want our kids to be happy, healthy and loved. One of the biggest concerns we may have for our kids is how they will handle romantic relationships, sex, and the social aspects of dating in general.
There is much to think about, but adding autism into the discussion takes it up a notch. Today, we will take a few minutes to study autism and sexuality. We will find out what we as parents need to know about supporting our kids with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) as they navigate their sexual development and all that it brings with it.
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Educating your child
In the grand scheme of things, individuals with autism need to know the same basic things about sex as their neurotypical peers. Most often, it’s how they process, implement, and express themselves that can be different. It is important to educate our kids.
Relationship education is the base of understanding social skills and sexual well-being. On the other hand, sexual education is the foundation of safety for:
- promoting sexual health
- prevention of sexual abuse and sexual assault
- protection from sexually transmitted infections
- sexual function
In order for us to educate our children, we must first educate ourselves. Research indicates that educating caregivers of individuals with autism about adolescence and self-pleasuring can help reduce anxiety caused by misinformation or lack of information.
This education, along with information on preventing sexual abuse, should be part of a proactive approach to sexuality training for individuals with autism.
A child with intellectual disability is going to process the information they need differently, and the most effective way to help them with that is to give them the information at their level.
Social stories are a great way to educate. Hypothetical situations used to illustrate real situations provide an opportunity to walk through topics and allow our child to practice relationship skills in a safe, low-pressure way. Sexual education can start with these.
Understanding how autism affects sexuality
Our kids’ first intimate relationship is with us. As they grow, their circle widens, and the nature of intimacy with each person changes. For children with autism, understanding appropriate intimacy requires developing social skills, which can also prevent inappropriate behavior.
Addressing sexuality starts with setting clear boundaries about intimacy, sex, and relationships. By understanding how autism affects intimacy, we can help our children navigate their interactions with others. They need to know what is appropriate and from whom.
Behavior should be addressed calmly and understandingly, focusing on issues like masturbation, hypersexuality, and inappropriate touching. If sexualized behavior in autism occurs at inappropriate times or places due to a lack of social understanding, it can pose problems.
Keeping safe from sexual abuse
Teaching children about their bodies early can help them understand when, where, and with whom they may express themselves sexually. Education on sexual abuse is essential for children with disabilities, who are more vulnerable due to challenges in understanding or communicating what has happened.
Romantic relationships add complexity for children with autism. Teaching them about body language is crucial, as they may not pick up on these cues naturally. Understanding body language early helps them recognize new or negative signals, protecting them from those who may not have their best interests at heart.
Understanding their gender
Research indicates that children typically become aware of their gender between 18 months and 3 years old. Studies have also shown that individuals with autism are more likely to experience gender identity issues.
Compared to their typically developing peers, autistic individuals report a higher number of gender-dysphoric traits. Rates of gender dysphoria are significantly higher among those with ASD than in the general population.
For some autistic individuals, their sexual orientation is closely related to their gender experience. It is crucial for clinicians working with people with ASD to be aware of the gender diversity within this population to provide the necessary support.
Children understand who they are and what they like from a very early age. Despite social pressures that may cause them to mask their feelings, their core identity remains unchanged.
As parents, it is essential to support our children with autism if they come out as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Recognizing the signs and being prepared to offer support can make a significant difference.
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Our treatment of them can either reinforce or counteract society’s views. By loving, supporting, and educating our children, we help them recognize safe relationships, understand what healthy interactions look and feel like, and build confidence in who they are.
Their mental health is just as crucial as their sexual health. Ensuring their safety through open communication is vital, especially given the increased chances of social misunderstandings.
Accepting them for who they are
We may not agree with the conclusions that our kids come to, the relationships they wish to pursue, or who they know themselves to be. Accepting them for who they are and who they love does not always mean endorsement.
Many parents choose to disassociate from their children when they find out they are not who they thought they were, whether that is their sexual orientation, gender identity, or their sexual choices. This can leave the young adult vulnerable and unsupported.
The goal for parents should be to make sure their child knows what they need to know, are capable of making their own decisions, and love and accept them regardless. You can disagree without disengaging.
We can allow our children to be who they are, love them, and keep the lines of communication open. We should encourage free and open discussion, foster social interactions, and facilitate relationships with children their same age – mentally, not just in years.
When should you start educating on autism and sexuality?
You may be thinking that this is too much information to throw at a child, and I would agree. However, sex education can and should begin very early in a child’s life.
Starting with age-appropriate information, we can teach our children about their bodies, body parts, and their functions. It’s important for them to understand bodily autonomy and to recognize appropriate and inappropriate touches.
Discussions about friendships, understanding body language, and distinguishing between the behavior of friends, family, and strangers are also crucial. By providing this foundational knowledge early on, we prepare our children for future stages of development.
Before they even begin to experience sexual attraction, engage in sexual activity, or navigate sexual experiences, they will have a solid understanding of these fundamental concepts.
It starts with you
How we handle the topics that come up around sexual matters with our kids will inspire them. If we are calm, matter-of-fact, informative, and set a good example ourselves, they will be inspired to do the same.
Their view of themselves, their sexuality, and their human connection start with what they observe in us. There are also programs to help children and young adults with ASD learn what they need to know socially and how to find romance safely.
Acceptance and understanding start at home and carry throughout life. Your child needs to know they are loved, and worthy of love. They can grow to be confident individuals who understand their sexuality, express it appropriately and engage in healthy relationships with others.
FAQs
Q: Is there a link between autism and hypersexuality?
A: Research suggests that there can be a connection between autism and hypersexuality, as some individuals with autism may exhibit atypical sexual behaviors, including hypersexuality, due to differences in social understanding and impulse control. However, this is not universally experienced by all individuals with autism, and sexual behaviors can vary widely within the autistic population.
Q: Do autistic people struggle with intimacy?
A: Some autistic individuals may experience challenges with intimacy due to difficulties in social communication and understanding social cues. However, the extent of these struggles varies greatly among individuals with autism spectrum disorder.
Q: Can autistic people have romantic partners?
A: Yes, autistic individuals can have romantic partners. Like anyone else, they can form meaningful and fulfilling romantic relationships based on mutual understanding, communication, and respect.
Q: Do autistic people fall in love differently?
A: Autistic individuals may experience love and romantic relationships differently due to differences in social communication and understanding of emotions. However, like anyone else, they can form deep and meaningful connections based on their unique perspectives and experiences.
References:
Bush, H. H., Williams, L. W., & Mendes, E. (2021). Brief Report: Asexuality and Young Women on the Autism Spectrum. Journal of autism and developmental disorders, 51(2), 725–733. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-020-04565-6
Rebecca Koller (2000). Sexuality and Adolescents with Autism. Sexuality and Disability, Vol. 18, No. 2, https://abafit.coursewebs.com/Courses/BEHP1096/Autism%20and%20Sexuality.pdf
George, R., & Stokes, M. A. (2018). Gender identity and sexual orientation in autism spectrum disorder. Autism, 22(8), 970–982. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361317714587
Pecora LA, Hooley M, Sperry L, Mesibov GB, Stokes MA. Sexuality and Gender Issues in Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2020 Jul;29(3):543-556. doi: 10.1016/j.chc.2020.02.007. Epub 2020 Apr 3. PMID: 32471601. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32471601/
Sala, G., Hooley, M., Attwood, T. et al. Autism and Intellectual Disability: A Systematic Review of Sexuality and Relationship Education. Sex Disabil 37, 353–382 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11195-019-09577-4
Hartmann, K., Urbano, M.R., Raffaele, C.T. et al. Sexuality in the Autism Spectrum Study (SASS): Reports from Young Adults and Parents. J Autism Dev Disord 49, 3638–3655 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-019-04077-y
André, T.G., Valdez-Montero, C., Márquez-Vega, M.A. et al. Communication on Sexuality Between Parents and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Systematic Review. Sex Disabil 38, 217–229 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11195-020-09628-1
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