I said it in my head…
As I got back to the car, I felt destroyed. I’d carried Rory into school, he cried so bad, his body was like a real dead weight, he was like concrete, he had somehow found a way to be heavier, he is so strong but today he was even stronger.
His teachers were waiting for us at the gate, they all stood prepared to take my boy in to school.
My part was easy, I just walked him to the gate but the preparation they did for that handover – I cannot thank my blessings enough that these people exist in our world.
Special needs teachers, they look like angels to me. When everything feels like I need a miracle to make this ok, they seem to show me light.
He was gripped to me, glued to me, his little nails dug into my neck, his head shaking no no no. My face mask was on, the one which tries to hide your emotion, the one with the reassuring smile etched on. The-if mums ok then I will be too face.
The troops came over – the angels, they came and they helped peel Rory off me. I heard him crying and crying and I watched them stay so calm. Their masks don’t wobble like mine does.
So much preparation goes into just that one quick moment. It’s this sort of thing which I sometimes feel envious that others don’t need to know about.
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Don’t look back, my head tells me. The moment I turn to walk out the gate, I feel it, the mask runs down my face and I’m broken again. As I walked away one of Rory’s angels followed me out, she knew.
She has plans, she makes me feel like we can do this. She makes me know that Rory is in the best place. I’m so grateful for her, for all of them.
But when I got into the car and I could really cry,
I heard it. My head said it.
I hate this part of autism…
When he finishes school he doesn’t tell me how his day was — she does.
He’s happy, it was tough, but they did it.
He did it. He got through the day and I am so proud of him.
I am one of a million mothers to child with autism, I am one of many of the mums this teacher speaks to but to me and my son, she, they, are immensely valued and play an incredible role in our family from their class room .
With everything going on in the world right now, I have so much appreciation for all the people fighting this virus.
With everything going on in the world right now,
The people who mean the most to my son are working even harder to help him.
Special education teachers – Rory’s Angels,
Thank you so much.
This article was featured in Issue 106 –Maintaining a Healthy Balance With ASD