Levels

Levels - Living and Fulfilling Life with High Functioning Autism

A blur of colors, lights, and sounds
People moving
People who might try to interact with me
Even though doing so would be as strange as interacting with an alien
Level 3
That building stress inside me as I try to press through and do
Life
Cackling voices, high and low, blending together, deafening
A train whistle, an automatic door, a phone ringing
People breathing, feet on tile, my heartbeat
The incessant scream in my head of
“Level 3, Level 3, Level 3”
The building stress inside me as I try to press through and do
Life
Processes, all in perfect chaos, always in rush
Buy the card, thank the man, how do I find my train?
I can’t think, can’t do
All for the incessant scream in my head of
“Level 4, Level 4, Level 4”
If I can just get on the train before I melt down
Pressing bodies, everyone too close
Every touch is painful
I can feel them around me; I’m trapped
The scream in my head becomes audible
“TOO LOUD!” I yell.
People are staring, but I can’t see
The sounds around me have turned to light and color
The sights have turned to black
Synesthesia
Screaming, bodies pressing, too much!
I can’t see. I’m drowning.
Level 5

Zeke Goff is a young adult living a fulfilling life with high-functioning autism.  Zeke keeps a video blog: “zeke.being.zeke – My journey as an intelligent, empathetic, resourceful, autistic, transgender, gender non-binary person – me.being.me,” which can be found at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHIoygZROYog0I-TRuHHJAQ.

This article was featured in Issue 51 – School: Preparing Your Child for Transition

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