Your autistic child is having a tantrum in a crowded store: screaming, crying, or throwing items. An onlooker frowns at your poor parenting, viewing the child as disobedient.
In that moment, you may feel fear, frustration, and embarrassment.
What can a parent do when an autistic child has a meltdown? Let’s take a look at the triggers and strategies to help manage the behavior before, during, and after.
What does an autism meltdown look like?
If a child with autism is having a meltdown, they are usually not easily consoled. They might look like they are in pain, seem like they can’t hear you, be unable to stop, and may need time to regain composure.
They’ve lost control, but you can regain yours.
What triggers an autism meltdown?
One study showed some individuals felt that their caregivers didn’t understand their meltdowns. Knowing what triggers the behavior could help strengthen relationships between individuals and their caregivers.
Children with autism often have neurological, sensory, or communication challenges. They may have challenges understanding or explaining their feelings, especially in a bright, loud, and crowded store. There may be many reasons they scream, cry, or throw items.
Here are some causes for overwhelm that could trigger an autism meltdown.
Sensory triggers
An individual might be overly sensitive to sensory items such as bright lights, loud sounds, or certain scents, which might cause a headache or nausea. That would be hypersensitivity.
They also could crave more sensory experiences because they need a stronger response to a specific stimulus. They might continuously rub a rough piece of clothing to experience the scratchy texture on their fingers. That would be hyposensitivity.
A child who is over- or understimulated and unable to convey that feeling might have a meltdown.
Communication frustrations
Individuals with autism could have one or more of these communication challenges:
- Speech delay
- Language development delay
- Social interaction difficulties
- Language skills challenges affecting speech or understanding language
- Nonverbal communication difficulties (e.g., gesturing)
- Echolalia (repeating phrases)
Difficulty communicating their needs to others, including their parents, can cause frustration and lead to a meltdown.
Unexpected transitions
Autistic individuals may struggle with transitions to other tasks, abrupt changes to their routine, or when certain expectations are not met. Severe frustration and difficulty voicing or recognizing those emotions can lead to anger or aggression.
Bodily functions or sensations
Feeling hungry, tired, or experiencing pain can cause anyone, including autistic individuals with cognitive challenges or difficulty describing their feelings, to react with an outburst.
Something as simple as a scratchy tag may feel painful. Or, to quote Temple Grandin, “They may have a hidden, painful medical condition.”
Depending on their communication abilities, they may struggle to explain their discomfort. This can result in a violent reaction and an infection or illness going undetected.
Daily routines
For some individuals, certain routines can cause issues. Brushing one’s teeth or hair might feel scratchy. Gut issues or a heightened sense of smell might cause stomach upset when eating. Leaving a fun activity to prepare for bed might cause extreme frustration.
Without the communication tools, this can lead to an emotional outburst.
Emotional overload
Glaring lights, a canceled event, and a heightened sense of fear from anxiety can cause big feelings. Being unable to share those feelings can cause stress to accumulate. Ron Sandison describes this as shaking a bottle of soda throughout the day. Once opened, the liquid will erupt.
This is an autism meltdown.
Tantrum vs. meltdown
What is the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown? A tantrum is behavior usually out of frustration for a single incident, such as not being able to do or have something they want.
A meltdown is a behavior that the child can’t help and is usually an accumulation of stress. If a child is overwhelmed by the noise and crowds in a store and they cry uncontrollably, they are having a meltdown. They are not using their behavior to obtain a result; they can’t help it.
Autism screaming fits
Sometimes, when a child with autism is overwhelmed, they will scream to let out their frustration.
High-functioning autism meltdowns
While a child with high-functioning autism may have the cognitive ability to understand and express themselves, they may not have the social skills to be able to explain their emotions.
Some adults with autism described feeling overwhelmed by those strong emotions, stress, or information and needing to release those feelings. They described the meltdown as not feeling like themselves.
Autism bedtime meltdowns
As mentioned previously, certain bodily feelings, having an emotional overload, or even simple daily routines can cause a meltdown. Some children may be overtired, making bedtime a difficult transition. If they are feeling hungry due to restrictive eating and then have a buildup of emotions from a long or tiring day, this could result in an outburst.
Autistic child meltdown when told “No”
Sometimes a child will cry to obtain what they want after they’ve been told they can’t have something.
An autistic child melting down because they were told “No” is usually experiencing overwhelming feelings due to any number of factors listed above, from sensory triggers and bodily issues to an unexpected change or transition. The “No” is like the final straw that sets off the meltdown.
Autistic violent meltdown
While every individual with autism is different, they also handle overwhelm in various ways. While some may experience meltdowns that include crying or shutting down, others may experience more aggressive reactions.
Such actions can include self-injurious behavior or hurting others, including their caregivers. These aggressive behaviors often increase during adolescence and adulthood and can be caused by social frustrations and anxiety.
How to calm down an autistic child having a tantrum
If your autistic child is having a tantrum out of frustration, there are a few things a parent can do:
- Remain calm
- Ignore the unwanted behavior
- Provide reassurance and acknowledgment for the child’s feelings
- Provide a different option
What to do when an autistic child has a meltdown
During a public meltdown, parents may feel overwhelmed, judged, or unsure how to help their child. There are some immediate actions to take.
Ensure safety
First, ensure the child and others around them are safe. Move sharp, dangerous, or breakable objects. If possible, keep them away from hard surfaces or sharp corners.
Reduce stimulation or leave
If the area has triggering sensory stimulants, do the following to remove or reduce them:
- Lower lights
- Move to a softly lit area
- Remove offensive smells
- Reduce noise or offer headphones
- Remove a scratchy tag or piece of clothing
Stay calm and provide calm
Parents should keep calm in the moment, however difficult. Their reactions could either heighten the behavior or regulate the child.
Parents can also provide some calming tools to help reduce stimulation and provide sensory support:
- Weighted blankets
- Noise-canceling headphones
- Chewy toys or fidgets
- Preferred item (stuffed toy)
- Bubbles (to help with breathing regulation)
These may be kept in a calm-down kit to use as needed.
Research shows that when parents feel others’ judgment, it could be helpful to communicate their child’s autism. They can show a card stating “My child has autism,” or explain that their child has issues with loud noises, crowds, or whatever the trigger.
This helps shift others’ perspectives from a misbehaving child and incompetent parent to one of understanding.
Parents can also use calming phrases such as “I’m here for you” or “You’re safe” to reassure their child. They should also remind themselves, “My child is overwhelmed,” and “I’m doing my best.”
After a meltdown
Once the “storm” subsides and the child is calm, parents can take action to provide support. Offer hugs or quiet reflection time, asking what did or didn’t help. Parents can also offer praise for a quick recovery or for trying a technique that helped.
Keep a journal or log to document when and where the meltdown happened, what triggered it, and what helped calm it.
Meltdowns can be challenging, and parents may be on the receiving end of some of the negative behavior. Caregivers need to regroup and take a breath.
What not to do during and after a meltdown
Here are some tips for parents to help during and after a meltdown:
- Never shame or punish the child; they can’t help their behavior during those times.
- A meltdown is not the time for a behavior lesson.
- Never tell a child to “Calm down.”
- Coaxing, joking, or discipling an already overwhelmed child will only inflame an overheated situation.
- Don’t argue with a child in the moment.
- Don’t try to reason with a child during a meltdown.
Preventing meltdowns
If a parent notices that their child has autism screaming fits, or meltdowns in crowded public places, when they are told ‘No’, or at bedtime, having a plan for these moments is important.
Parents know their child and their level of understanding best. Here are a few strategies parents can use to help prevent future meltdowns:
- Set predictable daily routines using visual schedules.
- Provide sensory breaks to avoid overstimulation.
- Practice transitions with a signal for moving to a new task.
- Provide various forms of communication to avoid frustration.
- Use Social Stories™ or first-then boards to explain and prepare for upcoming events and the need for flexibility when plans change.
- Support good sleep and nutrition.
- Model and practice calm-down strategies such as breathing techniques.
- Teach emotional awareness with a feelings chart or an emotional regulation curriculum.
- Plan ahead by finding a quiet spot away from crowded areas.
When to seek help
While parents may understand the reasons for their child’s meltdowns, they should know when to seek additional support.
- If meltdowns increase or aggression worsens
- If the individual tries to harm themself or others
- If parents feel afraid, exhausted, or overwhelmed
Some experts or individuals to contact:
- Developmental pediatricians can help identify reasons for the meltdowns and provide guidance.
- Behavior therapists can assess the behavior and provide strategies and modifications.
- Child psychologists or psychiatrists can analyze the situation and provide emotional regulation techniques.
- Occupational therapists can provide strategies to improve sensory processing, language, and communication skills.
- Speech or language pathologists can help with communication skills.
- Coaches or community groups can also provide skills, support, or respite for the child and parents.
Asking for help should not lead to feelings of guilt or shame.
Learning and finding joy
An autistic child having a meltdown is not misbehaving, and parents are not failures. Progress takes time, and parents should know they’re not alone.
With a few communication tools and behavioral strategies, parents can anticipate and handle autism meltdowns, finding their way through the storm.
Each meltdown may be difficult, but they are also a way for parents to learn from and connect with their child. When you perceive your child in a different light, you can experience more joy with every small win.
FAQs
Q: What does a high-functioning autism meltdown look like?
A: While different for each individual, many experience overwhelm from senses or stressors, leading to big emotions, a lack of control, and some outward anxiety.
Q: What is the difference between ADHD and an autistic meltdown?
A: Someone with ADHD may react strongly to feelings of boredom or excess energy. Stress, sensory triggers, or a change in routine usually cause an autistic meltdown. An ADHD outburst may not last as long as an autism meltdown, and individuals with autism may need time to recover after the event. Someone with ADHD may recover quickly once their need is met.
Q: How long does an autism meltdown last?
A: How long the meltdown lasts depends on what triggered it and whether or not the trigger was removed. Even after the meltdown is over, individuals may need time to regulate their emotions.
Q: Do autistic meltdowns get worse with age?
A: As individuals with autism age, certain factors can change that can influence autism meltdowns. Puberty brings hormonal changes. Sensory issues may improve or worsen. Some individuals may mask for social acceptance, and social challenges can lead to loneliness. Anxiety or depression can affect well-being. Support and emotional regulation strategies can help reduce the intensity and frequency of the meltdown.
Q: Why does my child with autism have screaming fits?
A: A child with autism may have screaming fits in response to being overstimulated by something in their surroundings or not being able to communicate their wants or needs.
Q: What does an autism meltdown look like in toddlers?
A: Just like anyone with autism having a meltdown, a toddler who feels a loss of control or who is triggered by sensory issues or is unable to communicate what they need may experience a meltdown. This can look like crying, screaming, throwing items, or aggression. The child is trying to cope with their overwhelm, not misbehaving.
References
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