Tips from a hairstylist to make haircuts less stressful for kids on the spectrum.
Does the following sound familiar?
You have spent time online, looking at reviews. You have asked every single person you know, with the hope that they know the one person who might actually be able to cut your childโs hair. One that will not lead to a near mental breakdown for both of you.
A fellow mom actually gives you a name and number, and you decide that you canโt cut your child’s hair anymore, so you decide you are going to give this person a try. You call, make the appointment, and you gather every possible treat your child has ever desired. You are feeling hopeful about this one!
Walking into the salon, you immediately start feeling eyes full of judgment on you. The super-nice hairdresser tries to talk to your child. After the tears start flowing, you say: โIโll just hold him in my lap, itโll be okโ.
But before the hairdresser even approaches with the clippers, your child is screaming bloody murder. After a good five minutes of trying 12 different types of candy, all you can really do is pray that your child doesnโt add vomit to the snot and drool that is covering you both. You drop your head and concede to another lost haircut battle.
To some, it might sound silly to say this is devastating, but to me, thatโs what it feels like. To be honest, I have felt that defeat from both sides of the chair. It is hard!
I knew there had to be a better way, not only to help my son, but also to help others. I spent a lot of years working with teachers, therapists, parents, and the children themselves to develop methods that can help your haircut dreams come true.
Tips to help your child feel comfortable with haircuts
Rule number one
Instead of going into an unfamiliar place that has odd smells, sights, and sounds, letโs start with the safest place your child knows: their own home. I donโt know about you, but these last few uncertain years have caused many of us to feel more secure in our homes. Utilizing this secure environment will get you off to a better start!
As for that very nice hairdresserโฆthey try so hard, and they really want to help you. The fact that your child does not like haircuts has nothing to do with them, other than that they are a stranger. Who does your child feel safest with? A parent or caregiver, of course! So, you are now looking at your childโs new hairdresser! By cutting your childโs hair at home, you will help your child work through a difficult and challenging event while they are in a safe, secure environment.
Rule number two
Become a hairdresser! You will, of course, need the right tools. This will all depend on the style of your desired cut. I recommend a good pair of cordless clippers for short cuts. This will include guards. Guards will be placed over the teeth of the clippers to cut the hair a certain length. They are super handy since you canโt cut the hair any shorter than the length of your chosen guard.
Next, I recommend a good pair of shorter-blade hair scissors. I prefer a five-in-one blade. A sharp object with a shorter length can be extremely helpful during sudden movements. And trust me, there will be lots of sudden movements! A very important tool, in my case, is a pair of thinning shears. They look just like a regular pair of hair scissors; only one blade contains teeth. They will enable you to cut many hairs, instead of a solid line.
Speaking of cutting a solid line of hair, I steer away from a flat horizontal cut because no one is going to sit still for a precision cut, and because horizontal cuts show lots of mistakes! When you begin learning to cut hair, there will be lots of mistakes, and thatโs ok. However, if you try to always cut with small snips vertically, you wonโt be staring at your mistakes as much!
Two other must-haves are a good comb and brush. Wide-tooth combs are often softer on the scalp. When you think about how many nerve endings we have on our scalp, itโs not hard to understand why so many have trouble with this particular touch.
I also suggest having a soft brush on hand. It can be something as simple as a makeup brush, just something you can use for desensitizingโฆ ahhhh, there it is, the biggest word in my Care Cuts vocabulary.
Desensitizing, wait, did you get chills or was it just me? This word is an amazing verb. It can help our babies in so many areas. You will need to take this process slowly. But hey, we are in no rush now. We donโt have to worry about that appointment time, since we are helping our family at home now!
How to make hair cutting easier
Take it slow
I suggest that while playing with your child, you slowly start by showing them the clippers or brush for a short amount of time. I suggest counting: one, two, three. Done, put them away. Return to your preferred activity immediately. Donโt give your child time to dwell on this horrible thing that you just pulled out. You will continue these same steps while adding a bit more every time.
For example, you can start off by touching your childโs foot with either the clippers or a brush. Then continue to move your way up towards your child’s head. This allows them to get the feeling of the vibration and the brush before it becomes scarier around more sensitive areas. You must take your time here!
The ultimate goal, which is, of course, enabling your child to get a haircut, relies heavily on this long process. Truthfully, my methods arenโt about the actual haircut. They are about helping your child work through the sensory overload of getting their haircut.
All hands on deck
I always say you will know when both you and your child are ready for the actual haircut.
Once you are ready, plan for an all-hands-on-deck method. More hands can be beneficial when it comes to pulling out different treats to help with distraction.
You know what is best for your child. Do not involve anyone who has the potential to upset your child in any way. That safe and secure feeling is a must. If an older sibling wants to help, but the day before, they somehow got into a little sibling scrap, it may be best to keep them away during this time.
Many kids do not like the feeling of hair falling on their skin. For this reason, I suggest putting on a long-sleeved t-shirt. If your child can tolerate powder, dust them well. Some do not like the sight of cut hair. I try to hide that as much as possible. Wearing something with a lot of pockets will be very helpful! Allow your child to play about and move freely as you begin. You should start out exactly the way you did with your desensitization exercises.
Trust in your expertise
Once your child has warmed up to the noise, trust yourself and know you are an amazing parentโyou are about to rock this!
The first move may startle your child, but just do exactly as youโve done before, just follow the same steps, helping your child count through each cut. This will help not only to take their mind off the noise and feeling, but it will help them to learn that there is an end coming.
If we allow our children the freedom to play while we are working, something as difficult as getting a haircut can become stress-free. I donโt know about you, but if someone tells me that I have to be extra still for something, I feel a huge urge to move more! Just changing our thoughts to be more like their thoughts is a big key to hair happiness!
Love, patience, and perseverance are three of my favorite words. By practicing these words along with your cutting techniques, your days of stressful haircuts can be over, my friends!
